I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
