So drunk its hurt
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
