I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
