the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
