I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
