A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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