they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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