you guys were way drunker than both of me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
