i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize