Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
