just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
