i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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