Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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