you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am one with the molecules
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