is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
false alarm, still single
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
