He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
