She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
