You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
