I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
