So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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