I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
