chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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