Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
