tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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