Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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