I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
