Pants 0. Shit 1.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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