do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
