I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
