Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
