even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
