I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
