I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
