I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
