I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
