If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
