I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize