I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
