after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
