It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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