I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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