I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
