I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
