my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
