Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
