he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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