Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
