Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
