I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
