Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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