I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
