Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
