porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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