My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
