Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
