Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
