Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
