I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
