Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
