i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
