Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
