i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
