oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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