She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
