And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Alive.
So much puke
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
