I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize