Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
